Talk to your kids about ICE

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Many Americans were shocked and disturbed by the image of 5-year-old Liam Ramos, with his bright blue hat and Spider-Man backpack, being led away by ICE agents. The detention of the Minnesota preschooler was a reminder that, amid the Trump administration’s mass deportation campaign, the youngest Americans have felt some of the most profound effects.

At least 3,800 children, including 20 infants, were detained by immigration authorities last year. Many more live in fear that their loved ones could be deported or detained — about 4.4 million children born in the United States live with an undocumented immigrant parent.

Meanwhile, children of all immigration statuses have had friends disappear from their classrooms or have stayed inside at recess because of the threat of tear gas; they’ve seen masked men patrolling their neighborhoods and heard about a mother of three gunned down in the street.

The stress is taking its toll on kids. School districts in Minneapolis have reported drops in attendance as high as 40 percent after surges in ICE activity, with smaller reported declines in places like Chicago and Los Angeles during immigration operations. Even when they do come to school, “students are having a really hard time paying attention,” said Alejandra Vázquez Baur, co-founder of the National Newcomer Network, a coalition that works on behalf of immigrant students. “They’re afraid for themselves, or maybe they’re afraid for a parent or a sibling who could at any moment be picked up and they will never see them again.”

Primary care doctors are seeing more symptoms of anxiety, from stomachaches, to potty-training regressions, to fear of leaving a parent, even just to go to the next room for a vision test, said Razaan Bryne, a pediatrician at Children’s Minnesota health system.

It’s not just kids from immigrant families who are experiencing anxiety, Byrne said. “I am seeing it across the board with all of my patients of all backgrounds,” Byrne said.

There’s no sugarcoating the risk that many families around the country are facing right now. Still, experts say there are ways for parents, educators, and other adults to support kids and give them back a sense of autonomy during frightening, unpredictable times. It starts with talking to them about what’s going on and not trying to sweep it under the rug.

“Ignoring it doesn’t mean that the child is not experiencing it,” Vázquez Baur said. “This is not just an issue for immigrant families, it’s an issue for all families.”

The children experts worry most about right now are those directly affected by immigration enforcement — those who have been detained, who have had family members detained or deported, or who are at real risk of experiencing detention or family separation due to their immigration status.

In these situations, children can suffer not only from short-term fear but from the lasting effects of toxic stress, which can affect brain development and cause behavioral and attachment issues, said Lucy Bassett, a professor of practice in public policy at the University of Virginia who has studied the treatment of children at the US-Mexico border.

Indeed, children who were separated from their parents under the first Trump administration’s “zero tolerance” policy experienced severe trauma, researchers have found, leading to lingering psychological and emotional harms like post-traumatic stress disorder.

Meanwhile, parents who are worried about deportation may themselves experience anxiety and depression, which affects their ability to maintain consistent routines and a feeling of safety for their kids, Bassett said.

When it comes to responding to a child’s anxiety, parents “should never promise something that can’t be promised,” Byrne said. Telling kids “everything’s going to be okay” or “you have nothing to worry about” isn’t just potentially unrealistic, it can also feel dismissive to a child.

Even in these extremely difficult circumstances, however, parents and other caregivers can set their kids up for resilience. It starts with finding out how a child is processing their situation, using open-ended questions like “how are you feeling today?” and “has that changed since last week?” Byrne said. Just knowing what your kid is thinking and experiencing, and making clear that they can come to you with questions, is incredibly helpful, Byrne added.

Natalie Cruz, a clinical psychologist at Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, recommends an approach called “optimistic realism”: being honest while maintaining a sense of hope. That could mean focusing on ways a child can get a little more control over the situation, such as by helping create a safety plan for what would happen if a parent or other family member is detained.

Organizations like the Immigrant Legal Resource Center and United We Dream offer resources for making a safety plan (in English and Spanish), which can include designating a trusted adult to care for children if a parent is detained, as well as information about families’ rights if immigration officials come to their home.

Parents can make a plan with children for encounters with immigration enforcement just as they’d plan for other emergencies, like a fire, Bassett said. The goal is for children to know that “if something bad happens, I’m not going to go into complete overwhelm.”

ICE activity has upended the routines of daily life for many children in cities like Minneapolis. But families can still maintain a sense of predictability where possible by enjoying rituals like expressing gratitude before mealtime, Bassett said. A child’s bedtime routine can also be a time to build in deep breathing or other relaxation techniques.

Parents can cope with their own anxiety by carving out “areas of respite in your day,” perhaps journaling, drawing, or FaceTiming loved ones, Byrne said. Engaging in calming activities can help model for kids what coping with stress looks like.

Teachers can also help by creating a “class culture that is affirming and supportive,” Vázquez Baur said. Making sure everyone’s work is displayed on the walls, for example, can help remind students “that they have something to be proud of.”

In some cases, parents have also banded together for joint walks to and from school to make children affected by immigration crackdowns feel safe and supported.

Even kids from non-immigrant families have been affected by surges in immigration enforcement. “Families of color have expressed to me, regardless of status, that they feel like they’re directly targeted,” Byrne said. As a person of color herself, she’s been “walking around in the Twin Cities feeling hyperaware,” wondering, “could the color of my skin trigger someone to come talk to me?”

White kids with citizenship, meanwhile, are “in the same classrooms and after-school programs” as kids whose family members have been deported or detained, Byrne said. “They know something has changed.”

News of killings by ICE agents or preschoolers held in detention facilities can be destabilizing for young people who are still trying to understand the world, Bassett said. They may worry about their friends or feel guilty about their own relative safety.

Parents and other adults can help by reframing these feelings into an “empowerment and support approach,” Bassett said. Maybe a child could brainstorm ways to be a good friend and ally to classmates who are more directly affected. Kids can also write to their local elected officials to share their views on immigration enforcement.

Volunteering to help their community in other ways can also help young people with feelings of guilt and anxiety, Bassett said. “Sometimes just doing good in the world in some way, even if it’s not directly related, can feel good.”

As much as experts worry about the long-term effects of ongoing stress on children’s developing brains, they also emphasize that kids are resilient.

Children who have had a traumatic experience with immigration enforcement can begin to heal if they have “a really caring adult in their life and someone with whom they can feel safe,” Bassett said. “It isn’t like once this happens, they’re lost, they’ll never be functioning well again.”